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So I have been in this weekly Battletech campaign for about 5-6 weeks. It’s being run by the local commando guy, and so far its been a blast.

Game is set in the 3020’s with each week representing a 3 month “contract”. When you take a contract it may or may not correspond to a contract another player is on, meaning you may end up attacking what another player character is defending, and if the contracts don’t end up having opponents, then OpFor is NPC equipment played by PC’s who also don’t have fights. (took a garrison contract that didn’t have a fight, took a retainer contract, etc)

So far a lot of the games have been comedy gold, between asymmetrical fights, players “lawyering” their contracts, the unit generation tables, and general good old-fashioned Jack-assery. Having been a source of much jackassery myself I thought I’d share some highlights, and include the writeup of my own personal unit, “Muscles Inc.”

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

Ok so unit generation is from a sheet. You either get to roll once each on the light, medium, and heavy charts that the commando developed, plus pich another class to roll again on to finish the lance (so 2 heavies, a medium and light, or 2 lights, a medium, and a heavy… etc) and get 15 million Cbills to start the unit, or you get to PICK your mechs (instead of rolling) but sure not to duplicate a mech in the same class and then start with a war chest of a mere 7.5 million. You would then take a contract with the unit you thus generated unit without a chance to spend your cash, modify units, etc.

Now I came to the first session late and missed the “choose your mechs” part of that equation and just saw people rolling up mechs. Some hilarious results ensued (Locust, Clint, Rifleman, Jaggermech for one) and some awesome ones resulted as well (Panther, Witworth, Warhammer, Archer) so I rolled up my mechs.

Locust, Blackjack, Archer, Dragon. I was playing a Davion, so I was confused about the Dragon, but figured it was salvaged. Whatever, I was mostly happy. (Locust and Dragon are “meh” in my opinion) That is until I saw someone PICK their mechs and then I was a little bummed. Oh well, my bad for not paying attention.

It was at that point I had an image of a large Nordic man, a truly legendary and epically huge “Captain Morgan” like individual who was way more convinced of his strategic genius than should be the case. Kinda like those “most interesting man in the world” dos eqies commercials, but more Mr Magoo-like.

A man who picked his mercs not based on their skills, but on how huge and legendary they looked. I refined the idea to be like a bunch of WWF guys meet Brock Sampson. Huge thick necks, arms thick as horse thighs, and not a lot going on upstairs. Fluff stuff I know, but my mind wanted a reason that such an odd lance would be formed.

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

First mission I get is “disrupt the water treatment facility on planet XXXXX” Decent cash, no salvage, full armor and ammo repair, but it was only one of 4 left after the others picked their contracts. I get to fight NPC’s.

NPC mission is to “defend the planet against all attackers” I later find out.

Commando sets the board. Water Treatment plant is 2 hardened hexes representing 2 separate but adjacent buildings on the far side of one of the LARGE LAKE maps, and next to that map is the reverse of the new starter set map “Open Ground” or something.

Defenders deploy their assets on the lake map: a swayback, a valkerie, a stinger, a wasp, and a pair of random tanks, I think Po or Scorpion class.

I deploy, and the first order of business for me is to avoid the swayback, because it’s a laser-boat. Battle is kinda bloody because the other side doesn’t want to commit, but doesn’t want to wave off. I on the other hand don’t care about the enemy mechs because I don’t get salvage anyway and I want to finish the mission and sell the units I’m not keeping. We both take armor damage, but he is good at staying between me and the plant.

So I set my dragon in a tactically bad spot to get the fast 6/9/6 mechs to commit in such a way that there is a hole. Then I run my locust through the enemy line like his junk is on fire, and break through. Ignoring the tanks I ENTER the building Koolaide-man style with laser and MG’s blazing. Tanks have to fire on building to hit me. Archer and blackjack get in range too, and I inflict enough ranged and melee fire into one hex to drop a building. At that point my secondary fire from the blackjack into a stinger back hits a gyro, and my dragon pings the swayback in the head, he loses consciousness and falls, taking ANOTHER head hit, removing the armor and critting sensors.

I turn to the player and go “well my job here is done, do you want to chase me back to my dropship? Your swayback can’t keep up, and I WILL eat the lights” the player who was a late arrival and the guy it turned out I was gonna OpFor next signaled the Commando who looked at the board and said “You’re NPC Mercs, not maryters… Your call…” he noticed that the other building was standing and I said “My mission was to shut down the water plant. I’ll tell you what, You build a bridge, I’ll knock down half of it and you tell me how you get a car from one side to the other. I flattened this one building, and my mech was INSIDE of the other one trampling sh*t left and right like a bull in a china shop. God only knows what the shop floor looks like now. That water plant might still be there but it sure as hell ain’t purifying any water! I just shat in their cheerios. Just because you pull the turd out of the bowl doesn’t mean you are gonna eat the cereal”

The entire store laughed at that one, not the least of which the commando. He rolled a dice and said the damage was repairable, but it would take months. I said “great” and he pointed out that the employer might not like it, I said “That’s what the Galletea/comstar merc review board is for. My mission said shut it down, not destroy it”

WE roleplayed it a little later and I got my money. Fun was had.

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

I miss the next week due to work but the Commando has a system in place where every contract comes with a “retainer” in case you miss a week the previous contract will “pay” you an amount almost equal to a regular contract, but without you being there in person, to keep players from falling TOO far behind.

I am grateful for this because it means I get an extra 2-3 million instead of being shafted because of a subordinate in real life calling out.

Next week I show up on time.

So I decide to sell everything but the archer and am informed that I get 80 cents on the dollar selling equipment. So between that cash, the mission funds, and the war chest I decide to buy big mechs. Commando says “any non-variant 3025 mech heavy class or lighter” So I buy 2 Warhammer 6R’s. I also hire a pair of panthers and a phoenix hawk. 6 mechs, about what a Leopard can carry if you aren’t hauling fighters. “Muscles Inc” is on track.

I decide to name my pilots. I have a blast there. Keeping in mind my over the top steroid pumping irrational megaviolence theme, I named my pilots. Now when you read these do it in the voice of "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Clenched teeth, guttural roar, and at the top of your most manliest of voices. These names deserve nothing less.

Large Vanderhuge (Unit commander and pilot of a Warhammer)
Brick Sixpack (Archer Pilot)
Stomp Meattrunk (Warhammer)
Pecks Roidrage (Phoenix Hawk)
Rock Thickneck (Panther)
Glutes Deltoid (Panther)

I pick a contract and am informed that I can’t bring more than a lance because it is “a lance contract” I say “Well I’m willing to bring more girls to the party than they paid for, That’s just how this pimp rolls” which sparks a chorus of laughter amongst the crowd of players, and someone accusing me of participating in a “bailout program”. I indicate that my credit score is the same as my units tonnage and everyone laughs when they realize that this is under 300. Commando relents and says the dropship will let me carry 5 mechs in. I’m a little upset at this, but in a “aw shucks” kinda way. I decide to leave “Glutes Deltoid” behind to pout in his Panther.

It’s an attack contract, raid a supply depot. Drive off or destroy defending mechs so we could empty out the warehouse. 50% salvage (Including contents of depot), and full armor repair/ammo replacement. I figure at my weight that’s all I’m gonna have to worry about is armor. PPC ammo is cheap for my employer, but hey… Can’t win them all. So away I go.

Most of the other PC’s combined lances to take Company level contracts, and in fact 2 players ended up taking on 3 players in a 10 on 11 mech city fight. Brutal. I end up taking on NPC’s controlled by another players wife, a Battletech-initiated female more skillful than her husband (but shy so she usually doesn’t play) We have known each other for years so smashing mechs into each other is old hat.

Amy LOVES ranged sniping of any type, and missile mechs in particular, and is thrilled to get a Trebuchet, Griffin, Jenner, Warhammer 6D, a Phoenix hawk, and Marauder. I am understandably less thrilled to be facing them, especially in the hands of a competent pilot… Good thing I had that extra mech or this woulda been a bloodbath!

Fight was fun, I used a level-2 hill to hide behind and play peek-a-boo with the defenders until Amy decided to move in her lights to smoke me out. Treb and griffin move to take flanking positions as jenner and phoenix hawk to kill a warhammer. Phoenix hawk is on the level-1 the warhammer is ducking behind, and the jenner jumps behind it. I mass fire into the jenner and let the warhammer and his panther buddy fire on the phoenix hawk and shrug off the incoming missile fire from the two peanuts.

(Continued after I get off work)

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

So anyway…

Phoenix hawk and jenner make a mech sandwich out of my wammy. I mass fire from everything but the wammy in question and his panther buddy into the jenner. The manwich twins shoot into the phoenix. I trade about 40 points of armor for about 60 on them. Not a really great trade considering the fire I put into them, but hey, it’s alright because the problem for her is that it’s under 20 points split between the warhammer’s legs and barely 20 on the archer (fire from the missile mechs) versus 40 on the jenner and 20 on the phoenix hawk… Into the torso of that ‘hawk with the ammo… Critting said ammo…



Archer ACES piloting check with an eleven, Jenner blows its check with like a 3 and falls onto its own gyro via its already sore rear torso. Earns a kick for its trouble. Leg goes inside. Upper or lower leg, I forget which.

Next round the jenner gets up and makes to run away, I let it… I have bigger fish to fry. Missile launching fish. (Besides where is a leg-crit busted Gyro and in-heat jenner gonna go anyway?) Jenner makes its piloting check and runs to the far side of the level-2 hill where I cannot see it. (Guess THAT is where it is gonna go )

I trade fire from partial cover into the missile mechs with the two wammys and the phawk, using the level-2 to screen myself from particle cannon fire. The rest of my ranged mechs (panther and archer) pull BACK in case that jenner feels “froggy” and gets to jumping.

I manage over the next 4 turns to internal the ammo on the “turbo-shoot” and center-penetrate the engine on the griffin (or was it a dervish now that I think about it, doesn’t matter, both are 55 tons and fill same role.) Either way the 55 ton mech suddenly discovers it has a 10 heat per round ulcer and decides to retreat, within range of my phoenix hawk. I jump the hawk and DON’T fire.

Amy knows whats coming and pours fire into my hawk.. I retaliate into the Jenner with everything that has range, the marauder with everything else.

Marauder falls, having taken 21 points of LRM and PPC, My phawk doesn’t, having taken next to nothing, except a single PPC to the leg. The Griffin (Dirvish? That’s bugging me… I gotta find out next wed when I see amy) also stands But then I didn’t want HIM to fall. I held fire against him for JUST this reason. Jenner loses all its armor, pretty much on every location, and in the fall evaporates in another ammunition related bonfire of joy. Only a few volleys of SRM ammo, but enough to kill the mech by at least 7 or 8 damage. Amy… Not pleased. Me… dancing and hooting like I was at a football game.

Physicals phase. Two punches outgoing, one kick incoming.

Remember the scene in Indiana Jones and the “Not the stupid one with space aliens” where the witch doctor reaches in and pulls out a guys still beating heart? Yeah… Phoenix hawk gets a head hit on him (meh.. Not what I wanted, but nice) and then 2 MORE engine crits as the left arm goes in and says “HiHowDoYaDo”!

It basicly pimp-slaps the gal and then pulls out the g*d*mmned engine with its bare hands. I yell “Hadooken” in my best impression of streetfighter. Amy kicks internal on my phoenix hawk’s knee in an odd match for the kick she personally delivered to my shin. I will fully admit that I deserved it. 4 kills for no losses, not even so much as a paint scratch on most of my mechs. Grinning from ear to ear.

At this point the game is running a tad late and she decides to call it. (Can’t blame her, she was a sport about what was, to be truthful a LOT of weird dice rolls) I demand the two surviving mechs power down or be annihilated by my 5 (practically) untouched machines. They do.

I salvage both and House Laio keeps the Mad. That makes me sad. I get the Wammy and whats left of the Phawk. That makes me happy. Take its pristine leg and swap it for my busted one. Sell it to another player for 80 cents on the dollar of a new one. Win/Win as far as I’m concerned. Warhehouse is full of heatsinks, ammo, and armor. I’m RICH lol.

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

Now, that “the dropship only wants to carry THIS much” thing had me upset. But I figured out how to solve THAT problem. Will detail that and more on the ongoing game later in another thread (Muscles Inc. Part Two), but first it’s DINNER TIME!

Feel free to comment!

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

Dude, you had me rolling in laughter there.

I love what you are doing.

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Medron Pryde - The Great and Terrible
[img]http://faileas.greywolf.googlepages.com/WOTD.png[/img]
[url=http://www.pryderockindustries.com]P.R.I.[/url] - The home of BattleTech programs and files
"I'm gonna Tea Party like its 1776." - Medron Pryde
Who is John Galt?

Thanks, I've got about 2 or three more stories to get you caught up to date, anyone else find this amusing?

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

Yes.


Teemo

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[img]http://www.heavymetalpro.com/countries/flag-us.gif[/img] [img]http://www.heavymetalpro.com/countries/ ... nesota.gif[/img]

"Three Shall be the Number of The Counting; And the Number of The Counting Shall be Three "

How did Commando guy come out with that? I don't recall such details from Mercenary's Handbook, FM: Mercenaries Revised Edition and Strategic Operations
'Mechs require whole lot of logistical assets and security troops. When there is only one Union carrying all of it + pair of ASFs (can be owned or hired by employer), don't expect fit in full 'Mech company.

If Union were being accompanied by troop/cargo ship, like Seeker for example, THEN Union could hold full 'Mech company, pair of ASF and two Tech Teams. And maybe some consumables and supplies equal to (1400 tons) - (total mass of 'Mechs and ASF). 1400 tons is maxed mass of 'Mechs and ASFs that can be crammed onto Union (100 tons each)

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[i]You know what they say, don't you? About how us MechWarriors are the modern knights errant, how warfare has become civilized now that we have to abide by conventions and rules of war. Don't believe it.[/i]

[url=http://www.mekwars.org][u]MekWars[/u][/url]

Not sure if that's sarcasm or not, but I'll bite. NO, the existance of "warehouses" filled with, if memory serves me, 20 heatsinks, about 20 tons of miscellaneous ammo, and a few tons of "armor" aren't detailed in those books. But common sense says they exist
Now what page of what book does it detail THAT? Every book source I've seen shows that each dropship is just "ever so perfect" for it's respective sized unit. This goes all the way back to the earliest scenario packs and is supported by fluff for the dropships themselves.

:shrug:

Not that I disagree with the spirit of this, but the rules such as they are...

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

Matti is a rules lawyer. Keep that in mind and you'll be alright.

Actually I was looking for guidelines for what kind of supply base has what kind of equipment, what kind of defenses and what kind of raiding force would be appropriate ( = balanced for game) for looting the place and what kind of share would mercs get out of it.
Field Manual: Mercenaries, page 168 (print) or 176 (PDF), DROPSHIP CAPACITY AND TRANSPORTATION RATES TABLE. What comes to carrying spare parts and ammo crates in 'Mech bays along with 'Mechs themselves, it may not be official rule, but it's mentioned in fluff on many rulebooks. Even additional 'Mechs can be stored on 'Mech bay that isn't in maximum weight capacity, so in theory single 'Mech bay (or 'Mech cubicle) could hold single Atlas or five Locusts. It's detailed on TechManual, page 177, CARGO.

Hey, you asked for it!
Does Muscle Inc have its own DropShip? If not, it needs to request one from employer or buy ticket (with hazard pay when on attacking side). Needless to say that may lead to situations where "ever so perfect" DropShip isn't available: "Sorry, can't fit your heavy 'Mech company on Leopard". And let's not even start discussion on this topic about needs for modifying available 'Ships and related costs... (Mule wouldn't be comfortable ride for personnel without adding Infantry Bays). Furthermore on raids where unit wants to get away with salvage & loot (Heat Sinks, ammo, armour and other), 'Ship should have some room for that too.

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[i]You know what they say, don't you? About how us MechWarriors are the modern knights errant, how warfare has become civilized now that we have to abide by conventions and rules of war. Don't believe it.[/i]

[url=http://www.mekwars.org][u]MekWars[/u][/url]

Chainsaw: Matti; Matti: Chainsaw . . .

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[url=http://www.hitbox.tv/hmpgoose]Goose - The Egyptian God of Frustration[/url]

"He closes his eyes and remembers the night splattered with brightness, the sudden flare of erupting fuel, the mad chase as, supersonic, he bobbed and weaved among the hills and valleys of the Ozarks, the laws on his tail, burning for home …"

Something I forgot: needed support personnel and other logistical assets (Field Kitchens, MASH Trucks etc.) are detailed in Strategic Operations. Tactical Operations can come handy too (good info about Coolant Trucks and Communications Equipment). Raiding force also needs its own APCs, trucks and recovery vehicles.

I've made some examples of logistical Support Vehicles and IndustrialMechs on these forums that are up to date with new rules. Feel free to take a look.

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[i]You know what they say, don't you? About how us MechWarriors are the modern knights errant, how warfare has become civilized now that we have to abide by conventions and rules of war. Don't believe it.[/i]

[url=http://www.mekwars.org][u]MekWars[/u][/url]

Takes hammer from CavGunner...nail has been beat into the ground.

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Karagin-

Darkness is a friend of mine. Sometimes I have to beat it back, or it would overwhelm me. Shirley Meier

[url]http://karagin12.livejournal.com/[/url]

The Wookiee, he's not wearing any pants!

[img]http://www.heavymetalpro.com/countries/mil-army.gif[/img]

unless the garrison on planet is provided for defenders. I'd hope my contracters use better stuff than KBR but you gotta assume that kinda service exists in Battletech.

(Or as some of my less "PC" cohorts say "Go to home depot and hire some <ethnics>...)

Mercenary armies have NEVER been well off on the logistical end, either requiring "foraging" or support from their employers to stay afloat. Even modern ones. Why would the future be any different.

Besides the commando's game is like a saturday morning cartoon, or an episode of "the A*Team" not a ken burns documentary

...Although a mocumentary in the vein of "This is SpinalTap" or a "Ken Burns" one would be HILARIOUS!

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

You know, I play micro armor. I have met other players who assemble multiple companies of combat assets and claim to have a regiment, without having the logistical assets, and other players give these people a "by" on it. You know why? because nobody likes playing "truck driver" in the middle of a tank fight.

Except the people who do

Yeah, I'm one of them... I have the complete logistical "tail" for my unit (2 battalions of European Theater painted US Armored circa 1990, and a few oddball tank companies from WWII)

But can you blame noob and casual players for not wanting to play "truck driver" in the giant robot game?

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Big Nick, the Chainsaw Assassin
[i]Making Bad News Worse since 1980[/i]
[b]What... There's only ONE of you?[/b]

I don't like much BEING a truck driver on the receiving end of LOW tech combat...so I would not want much to be one with giant robots walking around trying to kill each other...something about that spells dead in a few seconds...

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Karagin-

Darkness is a friend of mine. Sometimes I have to beat it back, or it would overwhelm me. Shirley Meier

[url]http://karagin12.livejournal.com/[/url]

The Wookiee, he's not wearing any pants!

[img]http://www.heavymetalpro.com/countries/mil-army.gif[/img]